


end of a day

by moltenvintagelacedress



Series: big ideas with little exploration [5]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Character Death, Character Study, Hurt No Comfort, Other, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21613831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moltenvintagelacedress/pseuds/moltenvintagelacedress
Summary: nobody chooses time.
Series: big ideas with little exploration [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1556848
Kudos: 1





	end of a day

**Author's Note:**

> i recommend end of a day by jonghyun as well as epilogue by keaton henson while reading.

nobody chooses time.

nobody chooses what month they're born in, what astrological season they're born in the middle of. and nobody chooses whether they benefit from time or whether they are suffocated by it.

some people learn to embrace it; they rip it open, study the way human flesh reacts to seconds, minutes, hours underneath the scope of time. they take note of the way it softens, how the cracks in our skin almost look like vines, twisting and turning and growing over our bodies. and when we have nothing left to provide to them (the vines or the scientists, who knows), they move on, growing away and beyond the now hard bone underneath the nonexistent skin.

others attempt to fight it, somehow believe they are stronger than the weight of days building on top of each other, the weight of fates culminating into one great final breath. some people believe it is their mission to outrace it, as if it is a challenge bestowed upon them to do more within their allotted  _ time _ than the rest of us.

mark was fatalistic, a person who sat back and accepted what life gave him. not lazy, never lazy; simply complacent in the overwhelming oppressive fate he was continuously accepting.

he believed that it was simply meant to be; when asked, he’d explain how our entire lives were determined from the moment we were born. the gods had blueprinted our lives, every breath, every misstep on the stairs (and the feeling that followed missing said step, the whooshing fork-turning-insides feeling), and that we simply needed to go along with it.

so he accepted the fact he was a leo, accepted every single bullshit tragedy life threw at him like he wasn’t a human and succeptible to death at, well, just about anything. It’s like he was challenging death but in his own silly, passive aggressive, stubborn ass way.

until he was diagnosed with throat cancer. more specifically laryngeal cancer, basically medical talk for cancer on your vocal cords (or box, as google continued to correct him). it was his fault, really; this time he couldn’t blame it on fate or time or any of the other bullshit excuses he used to evade responsibility time and time again.

in truth, time  _ wasn’t _ what brought on mark’s death; it was his own fear of time. it was that suffocating feeling of not knowing, not being able to guess what second on what predetermined day he would take his last breath. maybe that feeling is what caused it; or maybe it was his own karma. the gods may take the souls, but the person is what decides what to do with that soul beforehand.

**Author's Note:**

> this was SO short i remember writing it n just giving up but theres so many good ideas and good lines i wish i hope i go back to this at some point


End file.
